The clock read a quarter ’til five and still nothing. No phone call. No email.
Surely she would have heard something by now.
Then, my phone buzzed and those four little words with huge meaning flashed across my screen: “I got the job!” I let out a sigh of relief and a silly grin spread across my face.
“She got the job, she got the job!” I hollered to my roommate. We hopped up out of our seats and made some movement I will for now call a “victory dance.” Nearly a year and a half in the making, we were witnessing a tree of life bloom before our very eyes.
For this hope, this job, we had been on our knees and on our faces; for this dream we raised our glasses in eager expectation. We sat on couches and in cars, across from each other at tables and in coffee shops sharing our prayers and declarations for this hope and longing. And in four little words the longing ceased. She got the job.
Six, nine, 12 months ago, it seemed nothing was going as planned and I honestly wasn’t sure how God was going to pull this one off.
I am not sure why I had to lose my beloved Grandbud, it all seemed too soon. I am not sure why rejection upon rejection came, it exhausted us all. But I woke up everyday — with my cup of coffee in hand — declaring that he in fact would bring redemption, restoration, and relief from the spinning. Believing and praying that sense would somehow be made of it all and even if sense never came, we would have faith in the purpose. Yet part of me still wondered how out of reach it all might be.
I came to a point where I expected to be disappointed.
Today, we could all name at least a handful of hopes we’re still longing to see come to pass for ourselves and for those we love. I have friends who wish to be married, yet sleep alone. Friends weep in longing for children, yet they still carry empty wombs. Friends dreaming for big things manage to hit every road block to keep them from ever accomplishing their goals.
Yet today, we could also name some people and things worth celebrating — the jobs, the promotions, and the save-the-dates and birth announcements filling every last inch of our fridges. I can’t deny the juxtaposition of the celebrations and disappointments.
I was determined to not be disappointed. In the swirl of it all I found myself wondering where I fit.
I tried earning my right to fulfilled dreams by being good enough or holy enough to gain God’s favor. It didn’t work.
I tried playing victim, hoping God would take pity on me and give in. He saw right through the act.
I even tried taking matters into my own hands because God must have gotten busy fulfilling other people’s dreams and forgotten about mine. Or maybe he was too tired by the time my turn came around and just wasn’t feeling up to the task. Yeah, not so much.
Then God reminded me: as much pain and disappointment as I have witnessed for others and experienced myself in the past 18 months, I have also had the privilege to celebrate some ridiculous things with these people I do life with down here in the Peach State.
The same people I stood beside and supported as they packed up their desks — saying goodbye to one season without knowing what the next season would hold — I later celebrated with as they moved to new cities, started new jobs, and stepped into the people they’re becoming. Somehow, that’s made the disappointment lighter, the hope stronger. I am realizing God’s favor is not a rat race or a lotto— there’s enough pie to go around.
Know I don’t write this from the other side telling you I got everything I’ve ever wanted because God finally showed up. I don’t write to you now because I have my perfect pin-board life with a zillion blog hits, the dream job, and Adam Levine came to his senses and proposed after having a come-to-Jesus moment.
No, I have none of those things.
I write to you still in the waiting.
I am not telling you if you just hope hard enough the dreams will appear. I cannot tell you where the magic lamp is hidden.
But I can tell you it will never look the way you expect. Often times, we miss out on the best in search for the good. That’s why as much as the waiting Sucks with a capital “S”, we wait on the Lord. And part of that waiting is celebrating with those who celebrate — the way Elizabeth’s baby lept in her womb when Mary came to visit with some big news. We are all pregnant with promise and I believe that promise will deliver in due time.
Until then, we press on in what we know — which is who he is, not necessarily where we are headed. God’s not wasting a moment of this season and neither should you.
There is no use in taking a short cut when it comes to becoming the person God created you to be.
Take the small steps of faith that end in great treks of life. Fulfillment happens in the waiting, in the journey. I don’t plan on missing out on the best in search of the good. And today’s best is celebrating the victories in the lives of those who have celebrated with me.
you are the best celebrator. thank you for celebrating and declaring and praying and crying with me in the last season. i’m sure it’s not the last time we’ll sit on couches and sip coffee while we figure out our lives.
the things the lord has taught you in the waiting are good. terrifyingly hard. but good. you, my friend, are indeed full of promise. and just as you have sat with so many of us – you are surrounded by so many of us who love you and are fighting with you.
you’re four little words will be here soon enough. and also adam levine. he’s on his way. 🙂 love you!
Thank you. I needed to read this this morning.
Feeling rather hopeless myself – and I know I shouldn’t, I know He has a plan, I know He will work things out for the best…but that’s feeling like a broken record already. I think so much of our outlook has to do with our attitude (and vice versa). There are so many things to celebrate and focusing on them – being thankful for them – will fade the problems into the background. That’s what I need to do right now!
Yes, Sarah, see those problems as opportunity to practice dependence on the father and to go to even more intimate places with him!
Love this lesson you’re learning, Carrie. What I’m finding is we spend our lives in the waiting. Better learn to embrace it, not fight it.
ahhh write a book, i’d read it
“We are all pregnant with promise and I believe that promise will deliver in due time.” brilliant. sweet insight. i will also read your book when it comes out – as long as it’s autographed.
Carrie, LOVE THIS! Thank you for your written word. It sure does speak right to the heart. 🙂
thanks for this, carrie. you write beautifully and this was such an encouraging word today.
Dang, I rarely cry. Only when the Spirit is on me I sob like a baby. But I teared up a bit reading this post (which is a first). I really needed this today. Thank you.
The Spirit has a way of tugging at our emotions like nothing and no one else can — and I am always thankful for the release it brings!
Okay I am crying now thank you. I love your words and how you see the world. I love how you fight for and cheer on the people you love. You’re the world’s greatest and I love you too much! What God has for you is bigger and better than you can dream up…exceedingly and abundantly. That’s what I’m praying for you. Love you, boo!
POWERFUL AND BEAUTIFUL SWEET CARRIE! Keep writing! You have a gift!
I Love you!
You are beautiful, friend. Love this!
Dang, Carrie.. This post is a timely word for me.. I’ve had to learn and relearn this lesson so many times in life – especially since graduating from college – and I’ve spent the last couple weeks working this out in my heart. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who experiences these feelings, and I’m glad you’re open enough to share it with others. Thanks for this!
Thanks Carrie… It’s good to know that we’re all pregnant with God’s promise and soon it will be delivered… Blessed!!!!